FINALLY!!!

We're back where we belong, FINALLY!!!
"Com o Gremio onde o Gremio estiver"...

...and wherever I might be!!! Always!



A pic before the game, which I listened online on the computer...



...and after, already the champion!!!

End of year gig programme

I got home about 4pm and sat in front of the TV. Looked at everything we have recorded so far - a few movies, pretty good ones - and also Nirvana Unplugged. I started to think 'should I watch it?' and after a few seconds it was on. I had already changed and had made myself a sandwich and had poured some orange juice. I was still drinking the juice.
As the songs kept playing I started to get carried away... 'About a Girl', 'Dumb', 'Polly', 'Lake of Fire', 'On a Plain'...
I put my clothes on again and a beer in the freezer. The volume was 52.
By time they played 'All Apologies' I had already tossed the rest of the juice in the sink and was totally going for the Foster's. Those were good days, 1993... I looked at Dave Grohl's face and he was so young, everybody was. I was 15 and didn't like Nirvana so much. Yeah, I know...
Looking at Dave - whose name was misspelled on the credits, btw - made me feel like watching their DVD, the acoustic part. Only four songs but the best of the best.

I went downstairs and smoked a cig. Two. For the second day in a row I see this woman getting home (she lives in front of our house) with her kids and some friends of theirs. I'm there, the same spot, smoking and drinking. She sees that I'm there and I see that she sees me. I felt kinda embarrassed.

I went upstairs and decided to turn on the music channels, Kerrang!, put the volume in mute and started listening to Nouvelle Vague. After a while a noticed that this Queen of the Stone Age's video was showing and turn the volume on. Cool song, cool video as well. Right after this, Nickleback's 'How you remind me' started to play. I remembered the time I worked answering emails and thought about Elise.
...

Gig programme:
Franz Ferdinand - one week to go
Foo Fighters - 25 days
Duran Duran - 28 days
Pretty busy month.

London's addictions

That I'm a person who gets addicted to things easily is not schocking news.
I've gotten addicted to some new things since I got here.
While drinking coffee this morning and smoking a cigarette before going to class I thought about this. In between sips I realized coffee was my new addiction. The ritual of stopping by Starbucks and buying coffee it's as automatic as going to the bathroom after a beer. There's a small Starbucks on my way to the school and I already know most of the staff, and most of them know what I'm having.
Maybe I need coffee because I'm a morning person now, not that jumping up and down about it. I hadn't been used to waking up early for a long time, I used to work mostly in the afternoon and evenings, there were some ocasional mornings but not nearly as many as right now. So I guess to keep myself awake I need my caffeine. And of course the cigarette. The temperature has been gradually falling, so standing in the street is not the most pleasurable thing to do in the morning, but I prefer to freeze outside than being in class and thinking about the cigarette I didn't smoke.

I also got addicted to picking up the Lite Evening Standard. It's the newspaper that is given free after midday in front of tube stations because the full edition starts being sold, so I guess they've gotta get rid of the Lite edition. I don't know if it's sold before midday or not. My knowledge of newspapers here is not vast, I don't know which one is the best or the wrost - well, The Sun is probably the worst - but the Lite ES pretty much works for me.

Reading on the bus is essencial. I like listening to music as well, but I get the feeling I'm doing something more constructive for myself. The bitch is when the others are listening to their iPods and you can hear everything, so sometimes is difficult for me concentrate, especially when the music is Rap. I hate those bastards...

The evening beer. That's becoming an addiction. Oh, well... who am I kidding? Who wouldn't have thought that?
Maybe the fact that it's getting dark so early gives me the feeling that is night already, so why not going for the shit?
But drinking alone is something kinda new. I always had someone to share my beer with, talk about stuff, smoke a cig, but now I'm basically by myself. I stand in front of the house with a pint and a pack and see people coming and going. About 5pm people start getting home from work or children come from school with their parents, so cars constantly pass by my door and invariably turns the outside lights on. They remain on for five secons maybe and then turn off. Once, twice, four times, twenty times. And all I basically want is nobody to see me there with a pint at 5:30pm. One of these days I put the beer in a tea cup, felt so pathetic. It was cold but the content in my cup didn't evaporate, you know? It was actually making my hands freeze even more, but at least nobody could see what I was drinking.

I also got used to going online and research things about Paris. Got addicted to French. Such a great time there, I wish could have taken some money with me. Sorry about that, Ro.

No shower = tips

I had no willing to go to work this morning. Not at all. The alarm clock went off at 5:30am and I just rolled from side to side until 6:30am. I kept listening to the guys talking on the radio, some things I understood, some things I didn't.
They were talking about optimism and if people are optimistic or not, 'the glass is half full or half empty', and it got me thinking. I thought about my glass and couldn't decide which one mine would be. Probably for most things in life it's half empty, but if I literally have a beer in front of me I can never leave the glass half empty. Always half full until I pass out.
I was supposed to take a shower but decided not to do it, it meant 45 more minutes in bed. It was Sunday morning, 7:15am, everybody sleeping from the previous night's night out, except for me. Well, there were a few poor bastards on the streets and on the buses and on the tube who were going to work. We are the unlucky ones.

I don't know why but today it was strange, good and bad at the same time. I organized the bar but it was so filthy from last night that it was almost 11pm and I hadn't been able to clean everything up. There were some people from New Zealand who came to watch a hugby match. All the way from NZ, man... Things were OK and these two guys came in and sat at the counter. It's very unusual for people to sit at the counter during the lunch period, which is the one I work. They asked for two Newcastels and I gave them the beer and some mix-nuts. They kinda talked to me a little, they were from Dublin. Didn't understand almost anything they were saying. But I now I know that on Sundays in Dublin the shops open from 12pm to 6pm. But only Sundays, during the week they open from 9am.
Two American girls had been at the bar for 20 minutes and just drank coffee. They were pretty nice and gave me one pound worth of tips.

Steven, my supervisor, was never around. He's never around, always walking around the hotel, chatting with the concierges and the other staff. The Irish guys stayed there for a couple of hours and left. They were nice costumers. I like when I get nice costumers, I think anybody would. But no tips.

The American girls came back and ordered the sandwich with a complimentary drink. I think they like me because this time they left two pounds worth of tips. There were a few more people who ordered coffee or tea and they left a few pence each and altogether it was two pounds.
I leave at 3pm. At 2pm ten people arrived and asked for drinks. It's always like this: you do nothing most time but when it's almost time for you to go you get stuck with some not very nice people. They ordered the total amount of about 90 pounds and the tips were five pounds. The bad thing of the story is: all the tips I got were Room Charge. Not cash. And when we have Room Charge they sum up all the tips of the month for the period they were given (lunch period) and at the end of the month the hotel divides the money with everybody who works this shift. I always get screwed because I only work weekends and the people who work during the week get my tips. I don't know, I'd prefer going home with eight pounds in my pocket rather than waiting until the end of the month to get the money.

I called Tiago for us to do something but he was shattered and said he wouldn't do anything. I took the tube home, managed to get the wrong train at Green Park, got off at Oxford Circus and came back home. Circle and Distric lines (which are the ones I take to Victoria Stn and then Victoria line to Brixton) were not working this weekend, so I guess I got a little confused. While on the tube I started thinking about the tips, even though they were Room Charge. I guess not taking a shower in the morning made the special bond I needed.

Friend of a friend

I wish I could overcome this seemingly endless fase. The feeling seems to get stronger and stronger as the days pass. If my life was a movie plot, I think by now something totally unexpected (and probably good) would have happened and given me the push I need to start feeling good. And look for a job. And save money. And have fun. And meet people. And have more fun. And have a day off.

I just want everybody and everything to go to hell. I've been questioning my capacity for a long time and I think I have my answer now. I've been getting annoyed by people and starting to hate them all. I think I blame every single motherfucker for all this. It's very hard to find somebody to talk to here, they're all reserved and busy and always have something more interesting to do other than spending some time with me. Well, I think I'm the problem and just don't want to admit it... I know I'm the problem, because can the world be totally wrong? I wish I could go to the middle of the street and just tell everybody to fuck off. In Brixton and Oxford Street and in every single pub along the way.

The worst part is having to wake up tomorrow morning and do that fucking job and smile at people and not get tipped. And try to understand those fucking accents.
I'm still waiting for the turning point in this movie. The twist, you know?

"He needs a quiet room
With a lock to keep him in
It's just a quiet room
And he's there

He plays an old guitar
With a coin found by the phone
It was his friend's guitar
That he played

He's never been in love
But he knows just what love is
He said nevermind
And no-one speaks

He thinks he drinks too much
Cos when he tells his two best friends
'I think I drink too much'
No-one speaks
No-one speaks
No-one speaks

He plays an old guitar
With a coin found by the phone
It was his friends guitar
That he played"

No-one speaks because there's noboby there to say anything. There's never anyboby there and I'm sick and tired of it. I wish I could brake the shield around people, but I just don't know how to do it. I can't use words right, I guess. I think I'm too direct at times and too vague at others, never seem to find the correct amount. Never. Never have and probably never will.
I need to be part of something, even though I hate the idea of being part of something. Actually I am part of something, part of the group of the ones whose expectations are always very high and end up getting disappointed.

Empty rooms

I've been to many empty places lately. They may be literally empty or feel like an empty space. Being alone all the time makes you start feeling comfortable with this. I think I've written about this before, you know, preferring to be alone and having no contact at all with people.
I spend most of my time being alone here or doing things alone. Tube, bus, sidewalks, stores, supermarket, mini-market, corridors, Starbucks, escalators.



















After my class I came straight home. Paula gave me a couple of vouchers which I might use in some stores. I was supposed to check if I can still use them but decided not to do it. I walked towards Oxford Circus and it was really cold. I got the paper in from of Bond Street Stn and took the bus. I could have taken the tube, but what for? I wasn't in a hurry or anything. I didn't have to be at work in 20 minutes or meet someone some place. I just took my time and read the paper on the bus. Some lady sit behind me and her 2,000 shop bags hit me in the back. She said 'I'm sorry' but it was bullshit, she wasn't sorry at all. They never are. As people kept entering the bus the stench started to get worse. People stink here. Really. B.O. and ass and greasy hair and everything that goes with it. I was worried about having B.O. a couple of months ago, but I don't think it's something to be concerned about. Maybe if I'd stopped taking showers I'd have made some friends here already.
The lady behind me got off the bus somewhere in Kennington and again she hit me in the back with her bags. This time she didn't say anything.
I don't like when people sit beside me on the bus, especially if I'm on one of those Routemasters. They're so small and there's no room to move. They might be traditional but far away from being practical.

As I was getting closer to my bus stop I read in the paper that drinking alcohol raises the chance of having mouth cancer. Combined with cigarettes your chance increases big time. That's it. Now it's definitely official that in order to live a few more years you have to stay motionless in a room away from everything. You might die of boredom, though.

"Good-bye to the Brixton sun" - I'm totally appreciating, Ro.

Factotum

Factotum
"noun [C] FORMAL
a person employed to do all types of jobs for someone:
She was a general factotum at the restaurant - washing dishes, cleaning the floors and polishing the furniture." (Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dicionary)

I love Bukowski. I really do. When I remember that I'm eventually gonna run out of stories makes me feel depressed. I know he wrote many poems, but I just don't understand poetry. As I learned in class one of these days 'Most people ignore poetry because poetry ignores most people'. I'm most people. Not special, not fucked up, just an ordinary bastard. Well, maybe with a foot on the fucked up side.

Last week I opened up the Ritzy programme for the next two months (Ritzy is the movie theater in Brixton) and, to my surprise, on the 18th it's Factotum's opening night. Starring Matt Dillon. I couldn't believe my eyes! But I must tell you that I shouldn't keep my expectations too high because the movie might stink, so let's wait and see if it's good.

I went to Waterstone's and bought the book. Bukowski, always Bukowski.
"When I got Back to Los Angeles I found a cheap hotel just off Hoover Street and stayed in bed and drank. I drank for some time, three or four days. I couldn't get myself to read the want ads. The thought of sitting in front of a man behind a desk and telling him that I wanted a job, that I was qualified for a job, was too much for me. Frankly, I was horrified by life, at what a man had to do simply in order to eat, sleep, and keep himself clothed. So I stayed in bed and drank. When you drank the world was still out there, but for the moment it didn't have you by the throat."

I went to the quickest job interview this afternoon. I mentioned that I might switch shifts and work nights during the week, which would be a lot better than right now. I talked to the general manager and he asked me if I had experience working at night. Come on! I'm not working the whole night, it would be 6 hours, from 5:30pm to 11:30pm. I told him I really wanted the job and that I was willing to go there one or two days this week to see how they work and what they do. He gave me the 'I'll let you know' routine. Bastard.
I've been working weekends, and weekends ONLY, since I got here and I'm starting to feel tired. I know I'm lazy, I've always been. But this is not right. I came back from the hotel straight home and almost fell asleep on the tube. Yesterday I got home from work, ate, went to my room and slept for 2 hours. Then I watched some TV and at 11pm I was already sleeping. What's going on?

"You gave the boss eight hours, and he always asked for more. He never sent you home after six hours, for example. You might have time to think."

It's been cold today. This morning it was about 4ºC. I took a picture of what was the first sign of what they say it's gonna be one of the worst winters in a long time. They're saying -18ºC!!!
There was ice on the top of the roof. Frosty roof...

More pics

Another Friday's here... generally people look forward to Friday - including myself - but now I just don't want it to come along.
I must be the laziest person in the world. Really.
I'm just tired, you know? Yesterday Paula and I had a few pints in a pub in The City. We left the place at 10pm, 10:15pm at most, got home one hour later and I just couldn't keep on watching TV or listening to music or even drinking some more. I went to sleep after smoking a couple of cigarettes downstairs. I was yawning so much that I thought I would fall asleep in the sidewalk.
Needless to say that this morning I didn't want to wake up. Paula woke me up at 8am (this is usually the time I LEAVE to go to school) and I still had to take a shower and wash my hair. All I wanted to do was to sleep until noon. I haven't done it for a long time...

I might get an extra job during the week. It's at the same hotel but I would be working for room service. Night shift, Monday to Friday. If possible I would keep both jobs until December and then in January I would continue with the weekday-job. I'm not sure if it's happening or not, let's keep our fingers crossed!

Today was Katherine's last day at school. I took a pic of everybody. From left to right: Katherine (Switzerland), Donna, Esther, Julie (Sweden), Evan, myself and Phillipe (France).



Next week our class will be split. The school is going to create an advanced class with students from my classroom (me and Phillipe) and the best students from upper-intermediate. The others will continue with the CAE preparation. I'm kinda pissed, you know? First our best teacher leave us, then we have to get used to another person and now they decide to split the class. I don't know, but depending on the teacher and the class I'll be back to the CAE. However, if the general English turns out to be more intersting, I might stay. I don't know yet.
I just know that Eva is totally pissed and we talk about this everyday after the class id finished. I wish it'd been better organized.

I left school and went to Tesco to buy me some lunch. I could have taken the tube home, but I felt like taking bus 2. I started taking some pics on my way home. Let's start with the bus I was in. I was in the upper-deck of the famous London double-decker bus and I was the only one upstairs (as bus 2 end-of-line is at Baker Street stn, only a few blocks away from my school).





The bus goes along Baker Street until Oxford Street and then it takes Park Lane and goes around Hyde Park. I miss taking this bus to school only because of the Hyde Park. It's so good to listen to some music and see all that green in front of you.







What the hell is T1 doing over there???



This is the type of bus stop here. They all tell you which zone you are (well, if you don't have an idea of the zone you are after one week in London, man, you've got a problem), which buses stop there, the name of the place (for example, this one is near the Hyde Park Corner) and the boroughs towards where you're going. In the high streets, Oxford Street for instance, you have a lot of them all together and they usually put together all the buses that are going to the same place. So make sure the number is written up there, otherwise you'll wait for hours for a bus which won't stop and you'll get pissed with the bus driver.



As Paula and Ethan are planning on moving, I'm in charge of taking pics of the house. Do you see that blue thing in front of one the houses? That's Ethn's motorcycle - never riden on it - and our home is on the 3rd floor, so it's the one without the round windows. Do you see the satellite dish? That's the living room - where I'm in right now writing this - and the window on the left (which you can barely see) is my bedroom.



Who feels like working tomorrow morning???
(crickets making noise...)

Dare!

"It's coming up,
It's coming up,
It's coming up,
It's coming up,
It's coming up,
It's coming up.
It's dare.

It's DARE

You've got to press it on you
You just think it that's what you do baby
Hold it down Dare

Jump with them all and move it
Jump back and forth
And feel like you were there yourself
Work it out

Never did no harm,
Never did no harm.

It's DARE."

I went to HMV yesterday and bought Gorillaz's single 'Dare'. Man, I've gotta tell you, I'd had the song on my mind for weeks and finally got the single. I got home at 4:30pm and put the song on, I must have heard it a hundred times!
I'm still impressed with this whole getting-dark-at-4:30 kinda thing, so I decided to take a picture from my bedroom window facing the street at 4:42pm. Can you see anything? That's what I'm talking about! So for the second picture the strobe was on. Unbeliveable...





Paula called me and we would had a kind of vegetables soufle so I chopped everything listening to Dare and drinking a John Smith's. A little ball definitely going on! Went down stairs for an occasional cigarette...
Food was great, btw.

Today's word of the day: DARE!

Some pics - day by day

It's 5:16pm of a Monday. The day was beautiful, sunny, a little cold but not windy. I came home after changing my mobile phone (I had a Nokia old-style and now I'm using a Sony Ericsson). I know, I know... I never liked this phone. In fact, I hated it - and I think I still do - but the other phone had been so used that it turns off by itself, you know? And, I must confess, it kind felt like I was coming home with something new... so sad...
Anyway, I arrived home and had something to eat while trying to find out how that thing worked.

You know, I have officially given up looking for work at stores and online. I must have sent 30 to 40 resumes, by email or regular mail (which meant spending money on stamps) and nothing! I'm a student here, I'm allowed to work part-time, there are (or were) a lot of part-time vacancies but nope!, not for me! I'm guessing not being part of the EU is the main reason. Now that eastern Europe is part of the community, man, they've gotten all the fucking jobs!
At least this weekend things were okay. Work wasn't that bad afterall, though I'd really like to have a day off. Having to wake up at 6:30am every single day is a bitch. It's hard to believe this but I've been going to sleep before 11pm!

Last Friday I decided to take some pics. It was Amelie's last day at the school, so I brought the camera and had our picure taken. From left to right: BB (Korea), Amelie (Germany), Esther (Germany), Donna (teacher), Eva (Spain), myself. Katherine didn't show up that day and Julie hasn't shown up for more than a week.



After the class I stayed at the school and studied for a while. I'm already studying for CPE (I brought my books from Brazil), but I don't have the answers of the coursebook, so it's been pretty much a shot in the dark, I'm never sure whether my answers are correct or not.
I took the bus to Piccadilly and wanted to take a pic of this thing that I pass by every morning and every morning it makes me want to laugh! I showed this to Adri and he saw no connection, if you see the connection, keep it to yourself!!!



Afterwards I went to Trafalgar Square, the only place in London where I wouldn't see any English people, only people like me: tourists!!! Because, honestly, I'm nothing but that here, so maybe I would feel more comfortable amongst a bunch of strangers who hardly spoke English carrying cameras and looking like dorks! I felt great!



I tried to take a cool pic, but the camera didn't help much. It's so tiny and simple that it's complicated!!!



I walked all the way to Parliament and Big Ben. Again, I wish I could take better pics, sorry about that...



Afterwards I tried to find Tower Bridge, but no luck. I found the Tower of London, though, and I know the Bridge must be right beside it, but I didn't see it! And then I walked for a little while and found the Bullet Building (I don't know what the real name is, so it's the Bullet Building for me).





I came home and Paula and Ethan were going to the theater to see Death of a Salesman. I bought a few beers and talked to Adri on MSN. Called Lula and talked to him for a little while and finally I got to talk to Ronaldo on MSN. He sent me a few pics from Paris, they were great!!!