Dream's over

"The dream is over..."
Two months, several hundred reais, documents, people involved, stress and a dangerous borough. In two days I went from superconfident to apalled bastard.
I was denied the visa.

It's been a couple of strange months since I came from Poland. I didn't think life could be worse than it was, but apparently I was wrong. Since I landed here I've been dealing with a mother desperate to kick me out of the house, lack of money, not much work and the near future looking bleak as the holidays are around the corner and I don't know what I'll do to survive.
I got this job at this place that gave me only a few hours to work, the same problem many teachers have, and the structure to perform the job isn't the best.
My plan A was to apply for the fucking visa. And you know what? Deep inside I was totally confident that I was gonna get it, why shouldn't I, for Pete's sake?
Even though I was scared of what was gonna happen abroad, I thought that at least the visa, after trying unsuccessfully to build a career here in Brazil, would allow me to try and get something out there.
I got the papers, I was advised by an agency and set off to Sao Paulo for the interview. I traveled last Tuesday and different from the other times in SP, I found myself in the middle of Capao Redondo because I had no other place to stay.
I was almost out of cash. I had to borrow money and spent all I had here on fees. I spent half my money on cabs in SP and I promissed never again to stay out of the walking-distance perimeter around Av. Paulista.
I honestly love SP, but I would never, ever, EVER consider staying or living in a place other than the downtown area (surrounding areas). After the initial shock when I arrived in the city Tuesday night, with a light rain falling and a slightly cold temperature, I when to sleep at Fe's cousin's place. Anderson and his family couldn't have treated me better, but I need to confess that the area affected me big time.
On Wednesday I needed to go to Conjunto Nacional because I had to sort out my tax-back situation and the office was there. The rain was now pouring and it took me two hours to arrive there. I got to the building but the office'd already been closed. I couldn't believe it! After all that obscenely long 2-bus journey (actually 3-bus journey; I had to change buses in the middle of the ride because it'd broken down), all the patience, getting soaked, everything I did was in vain. I got annoyed and just one thing could cheer me up a little: booze.
I sat in one of those bars on a street crossing Paulista and asked for the 500ml beer, the pint, which I drainded in 20 minutes. Three beers followed the first one and I have to tell you that leaving the bar was a difficult job to perform. The breeze was cool, I had my cigarettes and my paper and pen to write some shit down and a football match on TV. I thought about a lot of stuff too, stupid things mostly (what a surprise).
At 9:20pm I was at the bus stop and waited for the fucking thing for one solid hour, and the fucking thing was fucking crowded. Bottom line is that I got home at midnight. I was exhausted and hungry and had the most nerve-wrecking day awaiting me.

Everything went worng. My interview lasted 20 seconds after staying there for three hours. It was a joke and I don't want to talk about it now. Still mourning.
I had arranged to go to Ubatuba and spend a day at Fe's place, but I couldn't see myself taking a subway to Terminal Tiete and facing a 4-hour journey to the beach on a shitty weather. I took a cab and headed for the airport. My flight was scheduled for Saturday afternoon but I couldn't stay there one more minute, even if I wanted to. So, after nearly begging on my knees to get on the first flight to Porto Alegre, they allowed me to board after paying a R$ 100 fee for rescheduling my flight. That was all I got in my purse. In fact, I had R$ 104 and some coins. But I had to negotiate this deal because they wanted to charge me the difference between tickets (I'd bought a promo one) and that amount was R$ 170.
But I got it for less and all I needed to do was wait for two hours and board. I bought some water and the paper. Always the paper.

I got in Porto Alegre tired and pissed off and smelling. I took the bus home but at least the suitcase was small. I met Adri and we had beers, I needed that badly for sure.

Now I need to get my thoughts together. Shit.

Something strange happened today. I'm confused.