Friend of a friend

I wish I could overcome this seemingly endless fase. The feeling seems to get stronger and stronger as the days pass. If my life was a movie plot, I think by now something totally unexpected (and probably good) would have happened and given me the push I need to start feeling good. And look for a job. And save money. And have fun. And meet people. And have more fun. And have a day off.

I just want everybody and everything to go to hell. I've been questioning my capacity for a long time and I think I have my answer now. I've been getting annoyed by people and starting to hate them all. I think I blame every single motherfucker for all this. It's very hard to find somebody to talk to here, they're all reserved and busy and always have something more interesting to do other than spending some time with me. Well, I think I'm the problem and just don't want to admit it... I know I'm the problem, because can the world be totally wrong? I wish I could go to the middle of the street and just tell everybody to fuck off. In Brixton and Oxford Street and in every single pub along the way.

The worst part is having to wake up tomorrow morning and do that fucking job and smile at people and not get tipped. And try to understand those fucking accents.
I'm still waiting for the turning point in this movie. The twist, you know?

"He needs a quiet room
With a lock to keep him in
It's just a quiet room
And he's there

He plays an old guitar
With a coin found by the phone
It was his friend's guitar
That he played

He's never been in love
But he knows just what love is
He said nevermind
And no-one speaks

He thinks he drinks too much
Cos when he tells his two best friends
'I think I drink too much'
No-one speaks
No-one speaks
No-one speaks

He plays an old guitar
With a coin found by the phone
It was his friends guitar
That he played"

No-one speaks because there's noboby there to say anything. There's never anyboby there and I'm sick and tired of it. I wish I could brake the shield around people, but I just don't know how to do it. I can't use words right, I guess. I think I'm too direct at times and too vague at others, never seem to find the correct amount. Never. Never have and probably never will.
I need to be part of something, even though I hate the idea of being part of something. Actually I am part of something, part of the group of the ones whose expectations are always very high and end up getting disappointed.