Pics

1. I look like queen of the red-light district. EW on the background

2. Pawel and his friend Marcin in our place, dinner party and bailinho afterwards.

3. Nazira in Kolory. I miss you so much, pal!!!!

Where's everybody?

Well, as you can see whenever I have the chance to go online I post everything at the same time. If you're reading this, please go two stories below to be properly updated.

It's Saturday, fucking hot, I'm at Kolory. Junior went to Egypt yesterday morning for week. This mean that it's only me and EW. I woke up, had some coffee, listened to some music, and at midday satrted to clean the apartment. Of course, at 1pm she came to the kitchen, right when I was gonna start cleaning it, and prepared her lunch. I just told her 'please let me know when you finish, ok?'
It's gonna be a looooong week...

Anyway, I decided to write and email to the guy yesterday. Couldn't resist it.
I wrote:
"Hey
lucky you, you got away with taking the test, right?
just to tell you that it's been great meeting you guys and if you're up to something you can drop me a line or text me.
enjoy your free time and take it easy!
cheers
fernanda"

I did it, man. But lucky as I've always been I don't think I'll ever hear from him again. I think the email was subtle, kinda friendly but also showing some sort of interest, right? Well, if you don't think that please don't tell me, because now it's been done.

I feel lonely already.... It's great the Junior got to travel to Egypt and see Nazira, but now I'll be here by myself. Honestly, I wish I had the guts to go out by myself, but I don't think that's gonna happen. I think I'll buy some beers and stay at home, at least I'll be saving some money.

I think -- I think -- Zbiszek just got here, but I can't see from where I'm sitting right now. Oh, what the hell, I don't even know if the guy is gay or straight.
It's funny because I've been coming here for almost six months now and I still don't "belong", you know? I don't think I'll ever do, it's nothing more than 'hello, czesc, bye', 'it's hot today, eh?' Even with Pawel. When Junior is not here he doesn't give it to me, man...
Well, you know I'm not the most talkative person, but I'm friendly, I try to engage them in a conversation, but then something happens and that's it, I'm alone on a corner again.

It's a hot sunny day. It might rain, it might get hotter. I don't know what to do.

I'm posting some pics.

Things happen for a reason, I don't know whether a good or bad one

Well, well...
It's all over.
I got a call this afternoon from the school. Ewa told me that I was no longer in charge of the IBM group and I wouldn't have to show up the following lesson.
I gasped.
"Why?"
Apparently the girls (she mentioned girls) in the group wanted somebody with British accent, since they work with the British team. That's actually true and even once two of them told me that they had a hard time talking on the phone with British people because they couldn't understand a word.
I first got kinda pissed because that would mean less money. Than I thought about the guy...
What now?
The thing is, I have his e-mail address. I could write something and kinda imply some sort of further contact. But, as tact is not my middle name, I could spoil the broth big time. Because I don't officially know if he's interested, and I don't wanna seem too desperate, I think I've learnt my lesson with the first Damian.

I'm actually asking for suggestions on what I should write. Don't be shy, help me out here!

A few minutes later Ewa called again. I think I will have two groups from Electrolux, business-oriented (shit...), one intermediate, the other upper; twice a week and one of the groups I'll split with a Polish teacher. Well, at least in terms of money it turned out a little better than the first phone call. And maybe, MAYBE, I'll manage to extract some gold from this river of shit, because now that I'm not the teacher anymore, the situacja wouldn't be awkward.
Maybe now it's easier to make the move, but HOW to do it is the whole problem. I don't know if he has a girlfriend or not because I don't understand what he says (he's a low-talker). I think I might have heard something about it the day we walked together to Rynek, but the low-talking combined with the traffic noise leaves no grounds for certainty. I assume he does have somebody, since all 15-to-65-year-old male species in this forgotten land DO.

Well, let's see how it turns out. I was prepared to do the nails this afternoon but now I don't even need to leave the house tomorrow if I don't feel like.

"It's a river of shit from which I've tried to extract some gold"

I think I'm too dumb to try to extract some gold...

It's been weeks and honestly I don't remember everything that happened to me here. Now that it's summertime - vacation time - a lot of companies canceld lessons and I only have a few groups. My private student bailed on me. Apparently she underwent surgery a month ago and is still recovering. She said she's with her parents and maybe will have to undergo a second one. I mean, poor girl but I was counting on the money.
The school has the policy that teachers can be paid up to the 20th of the following month. UP TO. So, last month I was paid on the 8th and now it's the 17th and no sign of any money waiting for me at the reception desk. Bastards.
As a result, I haven't been out every day. The last three Saturdays were useless. The first was strange, strange people, crap music. We spent a lot of money and didn't have fun at all. The second I didn't go out; I would meet Grzegorz and his wife here in Krakow, because they would come over to visit their cousins. We had a good time, we talked, she's actually a great person, the problem is the history back in London... I know nothing's gonna happen, for sure. It just kind of annoys me that he calls me almost every week, usually when he's walking the dog and has got a few beers in his head. Why does he do it? I mean we're just friends, right? Why can't he call me early evening, at home, sober, with his wife next to him or something? He called me yesterday. I was in Kolory with Junior and it was midnight. He was in Warsaw on a business trip and, again, drunk. He said he wanted to take some time off to come to Krakow and actually have a few beers with me, since when we met he was driving and couldn't drink.
I had to end the conversation otherwise I think I would still be talking to him. He said, 'ok, see you soon in Krakow.' I wonder.
Last Saturday was so awful that I went home at 2:30am. I did a bailinho and had much more fun.
Paula and Ethan came here a couple of weeks ago for a week. It was great. They said they had a good time, but the weather was shit and, honestly, there's not much to see here apart from the Old Town and Kazimierz. Since they're not interested in going out and partying all night it is kind of a bitch having to go to the same places. And on their last day here we were hoping to go to a typical Polish restaurant and have pierogi and all those other pork dishes that they love here, but as it is summer, full of tourists, we couldn't get a table unless we had reservations. We tried another place near Rynek but the waiter almost spat at our faces telling us to leave because it was already closed. We ended up going to Offycina, again, to have the burger, again. At least they have a good burger there. Not one Bodean's-like, but still...
It didn't take long for me to platonic fall in love again. He's an interesting guy, Damian, doesn't look Polish. Tall, dark hair and eyes. Let's say he's a little 'strong', not fat. Works as an accountant for IBM and, of course, is my student. It all happened as it always does: I couldn't care less, he started to be too friendly, I noticed him and fell in love. Every time is like this. Every fucking time.
But the difference this time is that I kinda sense something, you know? He deeply apologizes when he's not able to show up because he has to do overtime, he bought the book, he walks with me to get the tram and I then go on to walk one hour to Sebastiana. Once he walked with me all the way to Rynek because he was meeting friends there, that's a 50-minute walk.
And last Thursday something strange happened. Usually five to seven students turn up for the lesson, it's one of my favorite groups, even though it's advanced level. But last week only he and the new girl, Dagmara, showed up.
He got there first complaining that he has to do overtime, he can't turn up and shit. I said it was ok, becuase I knew they had to do overtime very often. The girl arrived.
He did a test with the rest of the group a month ago but he failed. Totally failed. I told him to take it again, but then he hadn't studied, he didn't turn up... So, on Thursday he asked me to take the test the following week.

"You know, I can take the test next week if it's ok with you".
"Ok, but you have to take it next week, since I've spoken to the DOS and she said that we can't keep putting the date off".
"...Or maybe I can take it during the weekend, I don't know if it's all right with you. I have all Saturday free and..."
"...." "err..." "..."
"..."
(blushing all the way through, the girl looking at me and him awaiting an answer) "Let's talk about it later, ok?"
"ok"

My face was as red as a Marlboro pack. What did he want with that? But as I'm the dumbest, supidest person on earth I couldn't even think of a proper answer like, 'well, maybe, what do you have in mind?"
We went on to have the lesson, I had a bunch of things prepared but couldn't go further than half a page. It was a speaking activity and it was something like "What would you do if...?" So a lot of anecdotes were told, mine mostly. And whenever it was something kind of embarrassing and I reluncted to tell he kept pushing: "Please, tell!"
If there was a vase instead of the girl sitting there it wouldn't have made any difference. Then I started to think if SHE was sensing something. (I'm on the stage that I think everybody knows I'm into him).

End of lesson. He and I talking non-stop. The girl standing at the door trying to say 'good-bye' but none of us would look at her.
She finally left and he asked.
"So, what about the test? Should I take it next week or on the weekend?"
My bean-sized brain couldn't form a sentence other than:
"You can take it next week..."
"... oh, ok then"

It's not possible to conceive how deranged I am. When we left the building I started hating myself for having said that. We walked together to my usual shortcut, where we then split. I put my iPod on and was feeling so pissed at myself that if I had to cross a street where trams were passing, I would've thrown myself in front of one.
Eventually, helped by my iPod and my one-hour walk to my place, I calmed down.
I drank mitialadas, smoked and did a bailinho afterwards.

(*) Dennis Hopper - The Guardian International, July 4.