"Fers once tried to put the moves on this guy. Fers's not gonna go do that again"

Typical. But seriously, what the hell was I thinking? Did I really think I could stand a chance?
Obviously, after my "explicit" email, as in just a friendly invitation for coffee or something, the guy disappeared. It's becoming more and more frustrating every day when I leave the house to go some where and realize it's never gonna happen.
The funny thing about my life is the clear ups and downs. It's never balanced. I either go from rock bottom to feeling extremely happy. I'm in a rock bottom moment now. Everything seems to be going wrong: work, friendship, guys, money. Not even one feature to bring a smile to my face, not a little one. Today (Aug 15) is a holiday here, religious, nobody seemed to know how to explain what it's about, but at least it's a day off. It's a beautiful day outside, hot, clear blue sky, the leaves are starting to fall from the trees, and I'm here sitting in my room at 10:35am with nothing to do and nowhere to go. I woke up at 5:15am, stayed in bed until 8am, made myself some coffee and smoked a couple of cigarettes. The rest of the house was sleeping. I got an old Time magazine, one which I'd already read, and leafed through it while listening to the radio, alone, with no one around and nothing to say. I look around the house and everything seem so perfectly placed, none of this is my choice and it's supposed to be like that. I was waiting for the moment I would see her coming, dragging her feet throught the living room towards the kitchen, with that put-me-out-of-my-misery face, slumped, sloth, opening up the fridge and choosing what to eat. She's on a diet now, maybe because she might go back to Brazil in September and I don't think she wants her family to see her the way she is now. Man, the mere presence of this creature brings me down big time.
I'm tired of going to the same place every weekend. But I have nobody else to spend some time with, not even one little bastard to go for a walk or a beer. I don't know when I'm getting paid so this is going to be a very long and boring weekend. I've run out of sitcoms to watch, I'm already on reruns here, trying to get some piece of information that I might have failed to understand. Sometimes I read.
But ultimately, it's all part of having nobody around. Don't expect me to try to do that again because I'm not. They don't want me, I don't want them.