Next stop: Petrovice

It was May 4 and I had to leave the country, otherwise I wouldn't be able to come back anymore and, let's face it, being illegal in fucking Poland sounds like a joke. We had to wake up kinda early because Junior and I would have to go to the train station and find a destination for me to go and come back in the same day. The day before was Pawel's birthday party at Kolory and it was great. We drank for free and met a few people. Pawel's brother, Wojtek, kinda fell in love with me, but he's 19, doesn't speak English and is a scream (in-joke: Junior has this saying which roughly translates 'If uglyness was some sort of pain, he would be a scream'). But he was nice and got drunk. Poor kid.
There was this girl, Maryola - yes, couldn't believe her name either-, who wanted to talk with us no matter what, but Junior and I had our eye on this guy, Zbizeg, and didn't want to waste our time with her. We eventually spoke with her and she bought us drinks, which was cool. The problem with her is that she seems on cocaine all the time, she just wouldn't shut up and we wanted to make contact with the guy. She kept saying that she was gonna have some Siberians at her place for the week and we had to meet them. She invited us for dinner but we didn't go, I gave her some kind of excuse but I think she didn't like it much because she's never called again. Neither have we.
This Zbizeg guy is gorgeous. I mean, he has this strange face, big chin and eyes that seem they'll strip you off right that second. The problem is: we don't know which team he plays for. Natalya told us that he's not gay, but Junior was staring at him one of these days and he was cool with that, because normally, you know, the guy would look away or start a fight or something. But not him. Junior said that his ugly friend was into me. What a shock, me and my screams.
Anyway, we went to the train station trying to figure out where I could go. We thought Slovakia but there weren't any direct trains, so it would take me like seven hours to get there, which was not an option. So we talked to the clerk and she suggested Petrovice (yes, with 'v') in Czech Republic. It would take three hours each way and it wasn't that bad. I would stay there for a couple of hours and then come back to Krakow. Ok, sounds like a plan. We went for it.
I had to change trains in Katowice and that was when my problems started. I didn't know the platform and nobody there could speak English. It was almost time for the train to leave and I was running around the station like the woodpecker bear. In the end I found out that it would be the same train that was heading to Viena and I boarded. There was a couple of stops before my destination, and when the train finally got there I just thought 'Oh my God...'
I didn't get any Czech stamps in my passport and I found it kinda strange. The station was in the middle of nowhere. Nowhere. Junior called me and I told him about not getting the stamp, and he was all:
"Ferdinanda, YOU MUST GET A STAMP! You need to have in your passport that you either left or is arriving in Poland otherwise you'll be illegal"
I started to panic. This call cost me fucking 12 zlotych because of the fucking roaming. I had like 30 grosz and couldn't make a phone call. There was no exchange place for me to change my money and eat something (there was this little restaurant in the station). I started asking people about my stamp. One guy told me, in Czech, to enter this building and talk to the police. I did it. When the officer saw me there he started screaming at me because that area was restricted and I wasn't supposed to be there. I told him I needed a stamp and he said 'No you don't, this is Czech Republic, you don't need it' and closed the door in my face. I felt like crying.
I had no food and no water on me, only the fucking Viceroy. I started smoking a lot and walking around the place. The train back to Krakow wouldn't come for the next two and a half hours and I just waited. And waited. And smoked and waited.
Twenty minutes before the time to leave I saw this train coming and a bunch of police officers started walking around. I got one of them and asked if he could speak English, he said 'a little' and I explained the situacja. He got my passaport and then like seven or eight other officers gathered around us. I kept saying 'Hey, I need a stamp, I'm not European, I'm Brazilian and I need it! Please do something!'. Everybody in the train was looking at me and I thought 'Well, now I'm sure they'll cuff me'. How embarrassing.
I wouldn't stop talking and one Polish officer just took my passport from my hands, opened it, stamped it and gave it to me, as in 'shut the fuck up, you bitch'.
I was so happy... I got on the train and five minutes later I saw the same officers going from carriage to carriage stamping everybody's passaports. I felt like a dumbass. Totally dumbass. When they got to my booth one of them just said 'Not this one, it's the Brazilian'. "The" Brazilian, man... The train started moving and I relaxed, listening to music.
It was so tiring because the train was so fucking slow. If I started running next to it I would be faster. After three long hours I saw the neon sign of 'GALERIA KRAKOWSKA', the shopping mall next to the train station. It was so good to be home! Home, man! Home...
I walked to the house and was starving. Junior prepared some food and then off we went to have pints.
So fucking delicious Zywiec! And Tatra! Whatever canned Polish piss was fine for me...