SOS

So they're doing this construction work at home... It's a pain in the ass because you have those guys coming and going all the time and you can't go home and just chill.

I bought my first Marlboro pack this morning and I have to say it was quite sadening. FIVE FUCKING POUNDS for that shit! It tastes better than the Brazilian one (it better! It costs £5!!!) and I enjoyed every minute of it. So I went to class and on the break I bought my coffee, as usual, and went outside to have two cigarettes. I don't know, man...
I sarted to think about what I wrote yesterday, that I'm kinda pissed about this lack of interaction, but I'm not doing anything about it either!
I started to think that my life is a constant wait. I always wait for every fucking thing to happen but in the end, as you might already have assumed, nothing does!!! I keep waiting for the big and little things, waiting for a job, a boyfriend, money, excitment, and all these things seem to be just around the corner but somehow I can never reach them! It's very frustating!

I don't know why the idea of the highway is constantly on my mind. You know me, all the things I imagine, the stories, they're all set in this 'On the road' kinda thing, but I'm starting to think that this might have affected me in a very wrong way! I'm always on the road and I see people and situations and opportinities passing by and I never stop to see what they're really like. (Again, the emptiness)
It sort of stopped being cool to become frightening. The first image I picture when I want to feel good is the road. Empty. A long ride awaits me. And I'm on the side of the road listening to some music, smoking cigarettes and waiting for somebody to pick me up. Does it mean that I will HAVE TO BE PICKED UP BY SOMEBODY eternally? Why can't I just learn how to drive (metaphorically speaking or not) and make my own trip, by myself, instead of waiting for somebody or something for ever?
This might sound stupid but on Orkut there's this community called 'I want to leave'. Well, I LEFT Brazil, but I'm still in the community. Didn't I get where I wanted? Isn't it enough? Where the hell do I want to go anyway? (Again, being dumb)

It's never good enough. For some people this may be good because that means you will never stop dreaming and you will go for the things you want. However, I'm feeling a little tired... I want to get somewhere at least once in my life before I die! I want to achieve something and not to give up in the middle of the road, abandoning the car I was in and start waiting for another ride. Is it worth it? Because the waiting usually takes a long time...
For those who read the blog, help me out here! Say something!